Email GrotuuGrotuu the Unspeakable
Our least human reviewer and (after his recent hostile takeover) CEO, Grotuu the Unspeakable, is a tentacled monster from the faraway galaxy of X'plc. There, he made his living primarily as an interstellar dictator and conqueror but did some freelancing for special interest publications. He originally came to Earth with the intent of devouring humanity, or at least our brains. Upon sampling our entertainment, Grotuu was so moved that he cranked out several pages of reviews on the spot. We saw his work and made him an offer. The rest, as they say, is . . . unspeakable.
 
 
   
  Email VioletViolet Dementia
We're afraid to say too much about Violet after the warnings her lawyers gave us. Suffice it to say that it is not the position of YBFG that she is a victim of alien abductions or the product of an unholy genetic experiment gone awry. It was perhaps rumors to that effect, or her stated mission to "defy convention, the rules of good taste, and most laws of nature" which brought this blinding force of purpleness to Grotuu's attention. He has some sort of breeding plans for Violet which we're not too sure will work out, but with Grotuu's frightfully advanced technology and alien physiology, there's no telling. Our lawyers have advised us to add that, if you want to find out more about Violet, you can go to violetdementia.com.
 
 
   
  Email CarolynCarolyn Maccabee
"Carolyn Maccabee" is a pseudonym. Carolyn doesn't like to give out her real name on the Internet, or even to bank tellers for that matter. She has worked in the communication field for the past five years, and now publishes a popular newsletter of her own in addition to working here. Carolyn reputedly holds an advanced degree of some sort, but we have been unable to find out what her field of study was.
 
 
   
  Email MattMatt Milton
Although he has a degree in marketing, Matt had dropped out of big business and was working for credit at comic book stores before he came to us. If it's in any way related to to comics, animated film, or science fiction, Matt knows it backwards and forwards. He knows all the latest rumors and will discuss them at length, both on the Internet and in person. After recklessly experimenting with ceremonial magic in his mother's basement, Matt came under the influence of the demon Sabnach, and is now somewhat less easy-going.
 
 
   
  Email EdEd Phillips
Ed delivers office supplies to ButterFlavored's corporate HQ. Once the staff got over his deliberately tattered clothes and many piercings, he took to hanging around after his weekly drop-off and talking about their reviews. One day, Ed dropped off some reviews of his own, with a note that we could use them only on the condition that they were not edited in any way, even for spelling and grammar. Ed continues to operate on these terms, believing that any alteration of his work would compromise his artistic integrity.
 
 
   
  Email CalvinCalvin Schultz
Calvin Schultz is proud to have worked his way up to his current position from the assembly line. No one is quite certain how he accomplished this; we don't even have an assembly line. Still, Calvin makes sure everyone knows that long hours, Christian living, and lots of good honest sweat got him where he is today. Calvin does have his jolly side, though, and is fond of telling jokes, particularly when he can use them to start on his favorite topic: the liberal media.
 
 
   
  Email JudithJudith Tolbert
Judith's list of degrees and references is much too long to include here. She is the only member of our staff who actually has a background in film, although her primary field of study is English literature. Judith is known for her ability to always find the deeper meaning, even when there is no deeper meaning. After a terrifying occult experience, followed by a long interview with Grotuu, Judith suffered a nervous breakdown, and now seems to have some difficulty staying on-topic.
 
 
   
  Email ThomasThomas Williams-Martin
Thomas has a Doctorate of Sensitivity. His dissertation is famous for exposing the previously unspoken favoritism enjoyed by the citizens of northern New Hampshire over their less fortunate neighbors in the southern half of the state. This, and his ground-breaking work in the field of gender-neutral pronouns, won him widespread acclaim in academic circles. In conversation, Thomas is more famous for his inability to express even the simplest thoughts without backtracking several times to make sure he's not using any offensive terminology. In Grotuu's New Company, Thomas has been put in charge of public relations, so he rarely has time to do movie reviews.
 
 
   

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